Arousal Control

10 min read

Arousal Control

Arousal control is arguably the most important factor for controlling prejack. Most prejackers are already at the end of their rollercoaster during kissing or foreplay, and they reach the point of no return immediately after penetration.

Practicing arousal control from the very start, before you even think about sex will instantly make you last longer. If you notice your arousal taking off you need to stop, bring it back down, and start again when you’re calm again. You can practice this during training or during sex with a partner. Don’t let the urge to ejaculate take over. If it does, stop all stimulation. Bring your arousal right back down, and start from the beginning of the rollercoaster.

Imagine yourself on the rollercoaster. On a scale of 1 to 10 the excitement stage is 1-6 and the plateau stage is 6-8. You want to control your arousal so you can stay within that 6-8 range.

Arousal Control

Arousal Control

Arousal control is arguably the most important factor for controlling prejack. Most prejackers are already at the end of their rollercoaster during kissing or foreplay, and they reach the point of no return immediately after penetration.

Practicing arousal control from the very start, before you even think about sex will instantly make you last longer. If you notice your arousal taking off you need to stop, bring it back down, and start again when you’re calm again. You can practice this during training or during sex with a partner. Don’t let the urge to ejaculate take over. If it does, stop all stimulation. Bring your arousal right back down, and start from the beginning of the rollercoaster.

Imagine yourself on the rollercoaster. On a scale of 1 to 10 the excitement stage is 1-6 and the plateau stage is 6-8. You want to control your arousal so you can stay within that 6-8 range.

Studies show that orgasm is a key factor in self-pleasure, and many people use their partners’ release to reach orgasm themselves. Theoretically, “through sexual arousal alone, you can stimulate the sexual centers of your brain, and so stimulate your own orgasm,” says Steven Zucker, Ph.D, a psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in sexual function.

But that’s all theoretical. The reality is that studies on whether you can have sex without ejaculating in order to induce orgasm have all been limited to volunteers in a controlled environment. So if you’re the kind of person who’d love to find out—and potentially be able to do so—without risking an embarrassing breakup, you’re in luck. We spoke with experts who’ve done this themselves to get the scoop on how to practice arousal control and achieve orgasm the natural way.

Arousal Control Technique: How would this work?

The most common method of self-stimulation is touching your clitoris, but it’s possible to cause internal arousal, too. This technique is called “squirting,” and it’s typically done with a small handheld toy that creates external stimulation and gives you a steady stream of liquid, like a water bottle filled with hand sanitizer. (Soap can work, too, as long as you’re careful not to touch any open cuts.)

The gusher isn’t always a “shower,” though; sometimes it’s just a dribble of water. Other times, it’s hard to figure out how much to put into the bottle, and you can end up waiting hours for it to “pour.” But even with a whole bottle, you might not get the same stimulation you’d get with intercourse or, if you’re in a real situation, sex. The good news is that if you can learn to do this just once, there are plenty of other options—including oral, vaginal, or anal sex—to get you to orgasm.

How can I control arousal myself?

Squirting seems simple enough—and you can do it with a variety of toys. But it’s not easy to master. After all, sex toy ads feature models who are already dripping in water, so it’s easy to make a case for yourself that you need to do it “like a pro.” But don’t worry; even if you don’t have a precise idea of what you’re doing, experimenting with squirting every once in a while will help you find the right level. “You need a really good sense of what makes you feel good,” says Dr. Zucker, who says that “the answer is that it depends. It doesn’t always just flow.”

Your body will send signals when you’re about to squirt; you’ll feel really warm and tingly down there, and you may hear sounds like hissing or a bubbling sound. But the good news is that you don’t have to do anything to make the moment happen. Your body’s natural response to squirting will work, even if you’re just using the toy to stimulate you.

Another key aspect of squirting: the steady stream. “It has to be continuous and sustained for it to work,” says Andrea Longo, a sex therapist in Santa Monica, California, who’s been experimenting with squirting herself for several years. “You can’t get very excited and then think, ‘Gosh, I think I’m going to squirt,’ and then stop.” If you’re having trouble getting it to work, try holding the toy below your clit for a while or in a different position, or squeezing the toy and relaxing.

When it does work, the sensation can be completely different than anything else you’ve ever experienced. “I compare it to being hit with a force 10 gale-force wind,” says Longo. “It completely obliterates everything and everyone in your space.” The sensation feels like your body is exploding, and you might feel something come out in your vagina or anus. However it manifests, you’ll probably want to share it with your partner.

How can I control arousal if I get too excited?

You can’t. “You can’t change your body’s chemistry enough to force it out,” says Longo. Instead, she recommends practicing squirting for a while and then stopping when you get to orgasm. For some women, this will be a blast; for others, the act of stopping, without any type of stimulation, will feel awful. “A lot of women have told me that they feel like they need to sit down and make a big deal about squirting, because it’s just too weird to not squirt,” says Longo. “You’re supposed to be doing something, and you’re not, and it’s very weird.”

For this reason, some people will avoid squirting altogether. “Some women don’t want it to feel like a ‘sexual fail,’ where they can’t make it happen,” says Longo. In that case, she suggests trying vaginal or anal sex, or having another partner with whom you can communicate—say, by whispering or cuddling close. If that doesn’t help, feel free to head to a doctor or therapist for alternative treatments, including acupuncture, acupressure, aromatherapy, and massage.

What is the deal with excessive squirting?

One common concern is that squirting is just another form of gender variance, or something women are supposed to fake in order to get a man’s attention. And in some cases, that may be true. “If you have genital reconstruction, if you’re feminine enough, you can squirt,” says Longo. But otherwise, the problem is likely rooted in general health issues, or pain caused by too much clitoral stimulation, for instance.

The orgasm you feel after squirting might also be one of the real deal. “The traditional definition of orgasm is the full body vibration,” says Longo. “What we’re talking about is the sensation, the rush, and the release of sexual energy. It’s not the orgasm. It’s the reception of the orgasm.” If you’re not used to that feeling, you may want to repeat the whole experience every once in a while to get the full effect.

Do some people pee when they squirt?

According to the technical term for that little girl-stuff that comes out of you, the answer is no. But there is some indirect evidence that peeing might happen—or at least a little leakage may happen—in some cases. “If you squirt and you’re not using protection, it is possible that you may squirt pee from the vagina,” says Longo. It’s also possible that sperm may leak out of you when you orgasm. If you do become pregnant after squirting, chances are good you’ll have a miscarriage, since sperm can survive in the vagina for a short time. (This happens to 1 in 200 women.) “If it’s at all possible, not to pee, and let your uterus empty, and you and your partner can clean up, that would be the ideal scenario,” says Longo.

Can I squirt from the penis?

It’s not an issue for women who are in a monogamous, committed relationship, says Longo. “There’s no relationship component,” she says. “It’s completely sexual and private.” But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen, as more couples are exploring safe, playful, and exploratory forms of sexual play, like blow-job bridging. “Some women don’t know what’s going on,” says Longo. “But it’s not unusual for them to accidentally squirt or to surprise their partner.” If they do that, they shouldn’t worry, because it’s not a sign of rejection or unhappiness, and it’s not technically unprotected sex.

What are the potential risks of squirting?

Nothing life-threatening, but you’re not exactly going to be floating in space when you’re squirting, so make sure to have a thick towel or sheet around you. “It’s very messy, and it does spread,” says Longo. But it’s not dangerous. “The important thing is to take precautions.” She recommends using your timeouts to clean up, or at least to change into a new set of sheets. “You don’t want a guy coming home and having to see that.”

Where does the fluid come from?

Squirting can happen both from the vagina and from the urethra. So does pee come from the urethra? “I would say yes, but I haven’t talked to any women who have [come] back and said it didn’t,” says Longo. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.” Why? It’s possible that women urinate when they orgasm, which could flow into the vagina when you squirt. (Research suggests that women do, but they don’t talk about it.)

Why does a man ejaculate when he squirts?

“It’s a form of ejaculation, and it’s very difficult for a guy to ejaculate without ejaculating,” says Longo. “If a guy comes, he usually comes during the squirting phase, just by putting a lot of pressure on the outside of the penis.”

However, ejaculation may not be the most important thing happening in the vagina at that moment. “It could also be a way for the vagina to wash the sperm out,” says Longo. So you can ejaculate a little squirt, and the vagina may clean it all out.

 

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